Such fail. Wow.

Guys, I completely forgot about this thing!

Well, that's kind of a lie.  I didn't completely forget, I just didn't have anything to say.

Okay, that's definitely a lie, I never don't have something to say.  I'm just...lazy?

Oh, yep, that's the one.

__________________

I don't have anything big and important to say - I think I've just been too tired lately to be deep.  I've been very tired for a very long time, but I'm finally taking steps to fix that.  I've got an appointment with a sleep clinic for an initial consultation at the end of this month, and maybe they'll finally figure out why I'm so sleepy.  I'm also seeing "a guy" (as I refer to my therapist), which is theoretically helping?  But I never feel like I have anything to say during my hour, so it's a lot of awkward silences.  He wants to give me things to work on, but I don't feel like I have much to work on, or maybe I have to work on ALL the things, so it's too overwhelming to start trying? Sometimes I feel like my rational brain prevents me from benefiting too much from therapy.

I think right now I'm feeling like kind of a failure, and since I have an appointment with "the guy" tomorrow, I'll write down why I'm such a failure:

1) I worry that the knit and crochet things I've made lately are going to fall apart in a few months, leaving me with nothing but a pile of yarn and a lot of embarrassment.

2) I haven't quilted since before Christmas, and I have multiple quilt tops to finish, and I feel like if I don't make them I'm just wasting money (other people's money, since the kits were Christmas gifts). My brain doesn't allow for the idea that I'll make them in the future....apparently they're a waste if I don't make them NOW.

3) I want to find a new job, but also I don't want to find a new job, but I'd like to make more money and I could somewhere else, but I don't want to leave my boss, but maybe I just don't want to work at all, but perhaps I should just start applying for things and see where it goes, but...effort....and maybe I'm just a lazy failure.

4) I don't remember the last time I cooked dinner. Making salad from a kit last night doesn't count.

5) I still can't decide if I want kids.

6) I haven't done any cross-stitch, embroidery, or non-yarn-related crafts in months.  I like doing them, but I have so many other projects that I want to do.

7) My gallery wall is a mess and needs reorganized, and many of the like, 20 other pieces I have to hang on it still need to be framed, and now that the TV is up I just have no excuse, but I don't even know where to start with it so instead I'll just sit on the couch and take a nap.

8) Haven't gone to temple in probably almost a year.  Haven't worked on converting at all.  I was so close, and now I've just...given up.  Or maybe I wasn't close at all.


Obviously I am aware that many of these are just absolutely ridiculous things to be down on myself about, and if I mention them to the guy he's just going to tell me to read another Brene Brown book or something, which, no.  BUT I SHOULD JUST LISTEN, right?

 __________________

Ugh, this whole entry is a mess.  What a comeback.  I'll leave you with this super cool gif: